“Healing presence is the condition of being consciously and compassionately in the present moment with another, believing in and affirming their potential for wholeness wherever they are in life.” ~ James E. Miller in “The Art of Being a Healing Presence”

Learning to be a healing presence is key to making a profound difference in your own life and the lives of others. Through Grace, most of us have been blessed with spontaneously being a healing presence for someone. We recognize the experience through our feelings of being in the right place and doing the right thing at the right time, while ironically feeling a sense of timelessness. All of us are qualified to have these experiences.

When you are a healing presence, you stay calm, centered, and open to each moment without engaging in drama. You see yourself and others as equals in every way that really matters. You may even be blessed to see others as yourself. How can this be cultivated?

1. Do not wait for another time to be present. Commit to being fully present NOW.
2. Practice cultivating a beginner’s mind, full of curiosity, wonder, and awe.
3. Pause and consider. Why are you doing what you are doing? Is it truly important? Will it improve your life or someone else's? Or is it just a habit or a customary expectation? Know why you are doing what you are doing and focus on it with conscious intention.
4. Practice welcoming everything, pushing nothing away. Be willing to be big enough to accept what is, as it is.
5. Notice your fear, anger, and helplessness. If you find yourself resisting or procrastinating, check honestly in your interior and ask yourself if you are feeling fear. If so, go ahead and feel it in your body. Accept it as your genuine feeling. Do not make it “wrong.” Honor yourself with compassion, then ask yourself what you need. Once you know your needs, then ask yourself how you can meet them. This process can take time, but it's the way to receive the gift that your feelings are offering you.
6. Make the task at hand your universe. Let this one task and your experience of it be your everything. Give this your undivided attention. Let everything else fade from your awareness. For instance, practice being fully receptive to perceiving the other person’s eyes, voice, skin, hair, emotions and spirit, and dance with that awareness so you are equally aware of your own breath, body, and emotions.
7. Stay with the task. Even while choosing to focus on one thing, you will probably feel the urge to let your attention dart elsewhere. This is fear in another disguise. Do not let it rule you. Stick with your one focus, even if just for another minute. In that minute, turn up the level of your attention. Evoke your curiosity. Notice every detail you can. See if you discover something new.
8. Bow when you are done. Instead of rushing off to the next focus, pause first. Allow a bit of space and breathe into it. Notice how your body is feeling. Inwardly say thank you and goodbye. Then consciously choose your next focus and return to #1.

Notice: You can not be a healing presence by focusing entirely outward. It requires balanced attention inward and outward, like in a dance. And you can not be a consistent healing presence on your own. To practice and build this skill, you need interaction and support from like-minded peers and mentors.

What Else Does It Take to Be a Healing Presence?

Being a healing presence is simple, but it’s not always easy. To be a healing presence on a consistent basis requires conscious intention and practice. Trustworthiness, heartbreak, compassion, empathy, and self-care are five experiences that can help you develop your healing presence.

Trustworthiness

"To become capable of love, we must learn to participate in the world. . . . Participation means trust, resolution of fear barriers, overcoming prejudices, and throwing back the bolts with which we have locked our hearts. To become capable of love, we must develop a system of life in which real trust between people arises and grows. It is this trust that opens the heart, dissolves the body armor and heals the soul." ~ Dieter Duhm, sociologist, psychoanalyst, author, and cofounder of a peace research center in Portugal

Do you know how it feels to count on someone doing something, then experience the consequences when they do not follow through? If you want to be a healing presence, it’s essential that you do what you say you will do. In other words, be trustworthy.

Yes, things come up that make it difficult or sometimes impossible to keep a commitment. But often if we take the time to make an honest self-assessment of our abilities and seek to know our blind spots, we can avoid failing to follow through.

In our self-assessment, the first step is to identify and respect our own authentic feelings, needs, and boundaries so that we only offer to do what fits us. Otherwise we may subconsciously sabotage our commitments.

In addition to honest self-assessment, being trustworthy also requires that we only make promises we can keep. Sometimes it’s the way we agree to something that winds up creating problems. Examples of honesty in making agreements include clear Yes and No statements like:

• Yes: “Yes I will do this.” or “I’d really like to do XYZ, but I I do not know if I am able. Would you like me to try, or would you rather ask someone else?”
• No: “I know you would really like me to do XYZ, but I am not able to do that.” or “This is not something I can do.”

When we say No to a request, people might be disappointed in the short run, but they will know in the long run they can count on us to come through if we say we will.

Heartbreak

"Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die." ~ Teresa Trull

If you are reading this page, you sincerely want to be a compassionate friend, parent, coach, or caregiver. You want to help the other person feel peaceful, loved, and comforted—not heartbroken, angry, or overwhelmed.

The difficult truth is that as adults we sometimes need our heart to be broken open so we can realize what doesn't meet our needs and appreciate what does. Heartbreak gives us an opportunity to release limiting beliefs and expand our perception to experience love, compassion, and gratitude more completely.

The major losses in life, such as losing one's health, abilities, or loved ones, provide precious opportunities to experience the profound grief, gratitude, and soul growth that matures us into people who are fully aware of the value of life and our effects on it. Like the way children are shaped by the family and people who support their growth, so adults are also shaped by the ways they are supported to learn and grow through their challenges.

Who supports your growth when your heart is breaking? Do your family and friends practice the skills to support each other to live, love, and leave this life fully ripened in wisdom and experience?

Compassion

Birth, illness and death are messy business. Rather than create romantic expectations and be disappointed, we can choose to invite truth and love (compassion) to be our allies.

Compassion for our self is just as important as compassion for others. As nurses and healers, it’s often easier for us to focus on caring for others than for our own needs, but this makes things off-balance and hurts everyone involved.

In contrast, being truly loving is living in a willingness to intimately BE with yourself and with another, with your heart open, feeling joy, anguish, and all your authentic feelings— without adding drama and without pressuring yourself or the other person to diagnose, limit, correct, or fix themselves.

Being a healing presence is simple, but it’s not always easy. To be a healing presence on a consistent basis requires conscious intention and practice, beginning again and again.

If you would like more information about becoming a healing presence for your patients, feel free to complimentary Holistic Nursing Success Call with Sharon.

You might also enjoy the post "​Holistic Nursing: Introduction & Guide for Nurses".